We always see a ton of great guidance in the comments on Corporette (as you can see by going to our best threadjacks page, which we update regularly), and the other day, a reader who is a lawyer shared some outstanding guidance for people who have chose to get a divorce. She was inspired to offer her suggestions after seeing another reader’s question on the topic.
Readers who have gone through a divorce, what guidance would you share? What amazed you about the process — positive and/or negative aspects? If you have kids, do you have suggestions on helping them through the process?
(Note from Kat: We might try to turn this into a series if there’s interest! Do you have expert guidance (of any kind) that you wish your clients knew before they turned to you? Click here to fill out the Google Form. (Here’s a PDF so you can see it all first.) UPDATE: Google form link fixed.)
Disclaimer: The information offered in this post does not, and is not intended to, constitute legal advice; instead, all information, content, and materials available on this site are for general informational purposes only. information in this post may not constitute the most up-to-date legal or other information. Readers of this site ought to contact their attorney to obtain guidance with respect to any particular legal matter.
Tips If You’re considering Divorce
Here’s what this lawyer reader, A, wishes her clients would do:
This was her number-one tip: before you tell your spouse you’re considering a divorce, speak with an attorney. Prepare a list of your assets before you tell your spouse, including current account balances.
Don’t make any big moves before talking to an attorney. The reader shared examples of self-help like locking your spouse out of the house, emptying joint accounts, and taking your kids or sending them out of state.
{related: changing your name after divorce}
Be reasonable about what your divorce will mean, legally — and again, A recommended talking to an attorney to aid in this. She wrote that numerous of her women clients assume they’ll be able to keep the family home, get primary physical custody of the kids, avoid paying alimony or child support, and/or force their spouse to relocation out, and so on.
And, as you can guess from her guidance so far, A’s final suggestion is: You ought to get a lawyer.
We’ll quote her directly here:
Now certainly this does not apply to a couple of 22-year-olds with no children sharing an house with a lease that is about to expire. and it certainly does not apply to any situation where there is abuse going on (in which case PLEASE call the police both for your protection and because abuse allegations that come up for the first time well into a contentious divorce can be problematic). but for the demographic of this board, unless you have to leave now for your own safety, please, please, please speak with a lawyer FIRST.
{related: how to survive divorce, financially}
Further reading:
Financial suggestions and guidance for women in a divorce [MassMutual]
5 critical steps to help women financially Prepare for divorce [Kiplinger]
Q&A: Navigating the new landscape of LGBTQ divorce [UCLA Newsroom]
I’m a mother and a divorce Lawyer: Here’s What I wish All parents knew [Parents]
23 of the best Nonfiction divorce books for Healing, Support, and assistance [Book Riot]
Readers, please share: If you’ve gotten divorced or are going through a divorce now, what guidance would you give to other readers? What lessons did you learn during the process, and what actions were you delighted that you took? any books or online support groups to recommend?